No Peak, No Point, No Meaning
by Sparks and Sharps
Summary: In which Walker hates yaoi - And by "hates," we mean "secretly reads when he thinks Erika isn't looking." Oneshot.


_Originally posted on the Durarara kink meme (part 1) for the prompt: __"_Walker is a closet yaoi fanboy. Erika doesn't approve. HE NEEDS TO EMBRACE HIS FEELINGS" _with minor edits between the two versions._

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Walker Yumasaki hated so much about yaoi.

He hated how the ukes were always so hyperfeminine and childish. He hated how the semes seemed incapable of _not_ raping the objects of their affection. He hated the excessively flowery shoujo art-style that seemed to permeate the genre. He hated how the uke looked like he was twelve years old half of the time. He hated the height rule. He hated how doujins rarely ever made the characters look like they did in the show. He hated the invisi-cocks. He hated how it encouraged fangirls to see subtext between any two men, no matter how ludicrous (Shizuo and Izaya? What the hell was Erika thinking?). He hated how anime would pander shamelessly to those fangirls for a boost in DVD sales.

Most of all, he hated yaoi for being so damn addicting. Why couldn't he stop reading, goddammit?

He slowly turned the page of the Simon/Rossiu doujin he was reading. It was one of Erika's stash, which she stored separately from the manga and light novels that they shared. Under normal circumstances, Walker would keep an ear out for Erika's return. However, tonight Erika was out hunting for an old _Ai no Kusabi _light novel (the recent announcement of another anime adaptation had sparked her interest), so he would be safe for awhile.

He turned another page. Simon now had Rossiu's cock in his hands, a black censorship bar covering its head. Walker sighed. Oh well, it was better than with OVAs where they would replace the uke's penis with a glittering shaft of light. He read on.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Walker froze in a panic. _Oh, shit._

"Hey, Yummachi!" Erika said in a sing-songy voice. "That light novel was a lot easier to find than I thought it'd be, so I'm back early." She caught Walker's "deer-in-headlights" expression (a remarkable feat, given he never seemed to actually open his eyes) as well as the doujin and tilted her head in curiosity. "Yummachi, wat'cha reading?"

"Uh, it's n-nothing! I'm just putting it back!" Yummachi said, hastily closing the doujin and hoping that Erika didn't see.

It was too late. "Hey, that's one of my Gurren Lagann doujins, isn't it? But why would you be reading that when you...Omigod, Yumacchi!"

Walker flinched and braced for whatever was coming next. He had occasionally wondered how Erika would react to his secret before. The best case scenario would be that she'd berate him for being such a hypocrite. He'd always made fun of Erika for her yaoi fangirlism. What would she think of him if she knew the truth?

He didn't even want to _think_ about the worst case scenario. It probably involved soldering irons and a camera.

Luckily for him, no soldering irons were involved in Erika's reaction. Instead, she gave him a frown and a pout. "Yumacchi, I'm so disappointed in you!"

Walker lowered his head in shame, "I know. I'm such a hypocrite, aren't I, Karisawa-san?"

Erika blinked. "Huh? That's not it. I mean you didn't come straight to me when you wanted to get into this!"

"...What?"

"Yeah! I mean, I could have showed you the ropes and everything! Here you are, wandering blindly into the world of boys love, unable to tell crap from gold, when you had a yaoi expert _right here! _It's such a waste!" She wasn't frowning anymore, but grinning ear-to-ear,

Walker sat with his mouth agape, not sure what to say. Erika walked past him and pulled out some books from the middle of her yaoi shelf.

"Here, these are some great starting points," she chirped, pushing some _FAKE _and _Haru Wo Daiteta_ tankobon's into his hands. "You read those while I go out and get a few things."

"A few things like what? Didn't you just go shopping?"

"Like a strap-on! Now that Yumacchi's going to be open about liking yaoi, we can do so much more fun things in the bedroom," Erika practically leaped at the the thought.

"Um..."

"Oh don't worry! You can be the seme most of the time, if you want. Still, you should totally get comfortable with pegging if we want to do this right. And besides, you might like being the uke. I'll be right back, okay Yumachi?"

"Okay..."

"Great! See you in a bit!" the door shut loudly behind her, leaving Walker alone to collect his thoughts.

All things considered, that went better than he had expected.

Besides, in several hours, Walker would learn that he actually kind of _did_ like being the uke.


End file.
